We watched a movie at church, today about being a Fan or a Follower of Jesus. Very heavy thoughts! Sad to say, I fit more as a "fan", which I am thankful that I am at least that. But how much greater it would be if I could truthfully say that I was a "follower" and be content with that. But I would be lying to even suggest that I was close to being a follower. I am way too comfortable where I am when I think of where I might need to be. I can talk myself out of many obvious blessings due to fear of the "unknown". There is always a part of me that does want to do more, but then my selfish side sets in. Just today, I was at a red light and for some reason, it seemed to have stayed on red way too long. There was a man standing on the corner with a sign that was a little hard to read. Joel even commented about it. It looked like, "Homeless OR Hungry". I had on dark shades and still felt like the mans eyes were piercing through mine, but I focused on the "OR" of his sign and tried to get past the penetrating look. I thought about the too long of a red light and then wondered......was I suppose to give him something?????? Was that why the light stayed red so long??????? Did his eyes seem to see mine through the dark shades??????? Was God trying to "talk to me"??????? Did I miss an opportunity to be used of God???????? Did I miss a blessing??????? I know that not everyone standing on a street corner is legitimately in need, but is that my job to figure it out? Absolutely NOT! I think that I miss lots of blessings by not putting my thoughts into actions. I would not have gone totally broke had I handed him some change or a dollar. I thought about it, but not because of the compassion I should have felt. I, ME, MYSELF, SUZIE, was the uncomfortable one. Maybe someone would see me. Maybe I would hold up traffic and get someone angry. Maybe I would be grabbed. Maybe I would get dirty. Maybe, Maybe, Maybe......WHY all the maybes? Because I was fighting the conviction to do something out of my comfort zone and talked myself out of it.
There are more times that I should have and could have done something that I didn't. I can always come up with an excuse. Does that make it right? NOPE!!! Discernment is important and needs to be utilized for safety. But I use that as an excuse, when I don't really think that was the issue. How history would have been rewritten had someone like me been walking where the Good Samaritan walked. And I am so thankful to say, "He's still working on me!"
Just had that on my heart. I know that I am not the only one that struggles with things like that, but knowing by name, someone else that does, may help. It does me.
In just a few short hours, Joel will be waking to the sound of the alarm. I may still be wide awake from all the excitement (and fear of oversleeping). I've made his lunch & snack and have it sitting by the backdoor. Maybe I should set an extra alarm. Wish I had thought of having a few of y'all call in the morning as a backup. Ha! Guess he'd think it silly to snap a picture.....kinda like when our kids went off to Kindergarten.
The only sadness around here, will be the dog. She has grown pretty spoiled with all the extra attention and treats from all the in & out treks she's made. Being a Border Collie mix, she is very smart and has figured out (about 35 lbs. ago) that she gets a treat every time she goes out, whether she does her business or not. So....she loves to try to get us to let her in and out, in and out, in and out....Guess you can say that she helped Joel with his rehab.
I was asked this morning if I was going to continue my blogging since Joel is going back to work. I paused to think about things getting back to normal and what WOULD I have to blog about. Before I could really answer, she was encouraging me to continue. Well, there you go.....that sweet word, "ENCOURAGE". I've thought about it off and on today, and you know what???? It's never "normal" or dull around here, so for now, I will keep it going. Thank you to those who are still here with me. Encourage someone to smile today.
oops! It's nearly 1:30 a.m.. I'm gonna go get snugly with my pillow.
Love and Prayers to all!
Suzie
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